Are you facing a conundrum in your leadership? If so, you're not alone.
At the heart of leadership lies tension — the pull between opposing demands, values or outcomes that constantly challenge us to make decisions. These can be inside you, for example between two different personal values or between two competing personal priorities. Or they can be outside you, for example between honouring tradition whilst embracing change and innovation, or between approaching an important conversation candidly or diplomatically. Leadership therefore is not a walk in the park - it’s much more like walking a tightrope.
Almost all of the 1000s of leaders I coach and train face the pressure of navigating polarities. Things like speed vs. sustainability, expertise vs. humility, freedom vs control and results vs. care. I spend 90% of my time with leaders exploring one or more of these polarities, with embracing humanity vs delivering on the KPIs being the biggest one. The invitation to solve these dilemmas by choosing either/or is a very tempting one. Indeed the brain and language work more by distinction than by similarity. In truth, the most effective leaders know that real progress comes from embracing both/and thinking, recognising the polarities but making room for seemingly conflicting ideas to coexist. A sort of 'Third Way'.
So it's not about solving problems therefore, but rather, about perpetually managing tension, often through curiosity, creativity and making imperfect tradeoffs. False dilemmas — where only two extreme options seem possible — can and do trap leaders into rigid, simplistic decision-making.
In their brilliant and practical book Navigating Polarities, which I wholly recommend, Brian Emerson and Kelly Lewis explain that leadership in the modern world is often about actively managing paradoxes rather than solving problems. This means the tension never goes away. They argue that leaders who engage in both/and thinking — which embraces opposing forces like stability and change — can find creative solutions to drive long-term results. After this is where courageously owning tension comes in: the ability to make tough decisions, stand by them, bring people together and create clarity even in uncertain, high-stakes situations.
In this article I explore the dimensions of courageously owning tension in your leadership.
1. Both/And Thinking: Embracing Trade-offs
We have a word for a nut. And we have a word for a bolt. But we don't have a word for the two fastened together. Why? This perfectly illustrates trap we can fall into. Our brains love to make sense of things by contrast and this invites generalisation and polarisation. Rather than falling into the binary trap of “either/or,” courageous leaders adopt a both/and mindset, which allows them to navigate complexity without sacrificing nuance. For example, let's say you're navigating competition and collaboration between two teams. A Third Way would be to consider some shared targets or competitive insight sharing meeting. Both/and.
Paul Polman implemented a paradoxical management system during his tenure as CEO of Unilever in order to advance the Unilever Sustainable Living Plan (USLP). By recognising the pursuit of financial gain and social responsibilities as a paradox, he established a framework that enhanced the organization's focus on these conflicting priorities by defining roles, metrics, and objectives for both profitability and sustainability. In doing so, he ensured delivery against both outcomes.
In your own leadership, where are you feeling forced to choose, when the real power might lie in holding a both/and viewpoint? I recommend you explore using the Polarity Navigator by Emerson and Lewis if you're stuck and would like a practical tool to find a Third Way.
2. Taking a Stand and Owning One’s Position
Once you've found a way forward, you have to own it, continuously. Courageously owning tension means having the confidence to take a stand even when the path is ambiguous. Leaders must be able to clearly express their stance, not only on the organisation’s mission but oftentimes on tough, controversial issues as well. This clarity builds trust and respect, even when opinions differ.
Consider the example of Marc Benioff, CEO of Salesforce. Faced with pressure to prioritise short-term profits, Benioff took a stand by integrating social responsibility into Salesforce’s mission, supporting issues like climate change and workplace equality. His decision to balance profit with purpose wasn’t universally popular among shareholders, but it reinforced the company’s commitment to values-driven leadership, ultimately attracting a loyal customer and employee base. He took a stand for what he believed in, honouring deeply held values and communicating what was important to him.
What position do you need to take, even if it’s unpopular? Are you prepared to stand by it when the pressure increases? What can really help here is having a clear purpose and well articulated core values as a compass. When all else fails, they can be a north star.
3. Facing the Tension: Feeling the Fear and Doing It Anyway
A natural, evolutionary instinct in moments of tension is to see it as a threat and then fight, flee or freeze. But courageous leaders learn to sit in the discomfort of uncertainty, face the tension head-on, and make decisions even when they’re afraid or uncomfortable. Courage in this case isn’t about the absence of fear; it’s about action despite it. See my article on Emotional Mastery for some tips on feeling the fear constructively.
Arne Sorenson, the former CEO of Marriott International modelled this beautifully. When the COVID-19 pandemic devastated the hospitality industry, Sorenson faced the heartbreaking decision of furloughing tens of thousands of employees. Known for his deep empathy and connection to Marriott’s staff, Sorenson was visibly emotional as he communicated the painful decision in a public address. Despite the personal toll, he faced the tension with transparency and compassion, explaining the harsh realities to employees and shareholders alike. His vulnerability and honesty during this deeply uncomfortable time built trust, demonstrating that true courage often involves openly grappling with difficult decisions.
What fears or tensions are you currently avoiding? How could you face them, feel them fully and move forward anyway?
4. Psychological Safety: Creating Safe Spaces for Diverging Views
A key part of courageously owning tension in teams is fostering an environment of psychological safety, where team members feel comfortable expressing opposing views without fear of judgement or retribution. When leaders make space for tension — whether it’s between conflicting ideas, strategies, or personalities — they unlock creative potential.
A 2021 Harvard Business Review study highlighted that teams with psychological safety were not only more innovative but also more resilient during times of crisis. These teams, because they felt safe to voice disagreements and explore different perspectives, were able to find solutions faster than teams without this openness. Leaders who encourage open dialogue, even when conversations are uncomfortable, build stronger, more resilient teams capable of facing challenges head-on.
Are your team members comfortable expressing disagreement? How are you fostering a space where multiple views can thrive, even in tension? I personally believe that friction can be both amicable and generative. A former client of mine termed it "creative abrasion". I love the term and use it frequently.
5. Avoiding the Popularity Trap
When has your leadership been driven by the need for approval?
The more caring leaders I work with often fall into the trap of making decisions that please the majority, avoiding tough choices to maintain harmony. However, courageously owning tension sometimes requires a willingness to make unpopular decisions when they’re in the best interest of the organisation, the team, or the mission. It’s about sticking to principles even when it makes you unpopular in the short term. Interestingly, several studies show that agreeableness in times of tension and crisis is actually negatively correlated with effective leadership.
A strong example is Angela Merkel, former Chancellor of Germany, during the 2015 European refugee crisis. Amid mounting political pressure and opposition from both domestic and European leaders, Merkel chose to open Germany’s borders to over a million refugees. While this decision faced heavy criticism and jeopardized her popularity, she stood by it as a humanitarian duty and a reflection of Germany’s values. Merkel’s choice demonstrated her willingness to make a difficult, divisive decision, prioritising compassion and ethics over public approval.
6. Creating Hope and Optimism When the Tension is Getting to Others
Tension and uncertainty can weigh heavily on teams, and a crucial part of courageous leadership is being the one who creates hope when others feel discouraged. Providing optimism during difficult times helps teams stay focused, motivated, and resilient.
In his book The Wisdom of Teams, John Katzenbach emphasizes that leaders play a key role in lifting morale during challenging moments by focusing on what the team can achieve together, despite difficulties. Similarly, Teddy Roosevelt, as President of the United States, frequently reminded the American people of their shared potential during times of adversity. His famous “Man in the Arena” speech reflects this mindset: that leaders must inspire others even when they, too, are feeling the weight of tension and opposition.
How are you inspiring hope in your team when tensions rise? Are you creating a narrative of possibility even in the face of difficulty? As Nietzsche once said, give a person a why and they can bear any how.
The Power of Courageous, Both/And Leadership
In a world full of paradoxes and competing demands, leadership isn’t about finding definitive answers; it’s about embracing uncertainty, making bold, creative decisions and creating clarity where there’s none. Courageous, both/and leadership empowers leaders to navigate complexity without oversimplifying or shying away from the tension.
When faced with your next leadership conundrum, will you default to an easy, binary choice? Or will you have the courage to embrace the tension? Navigating the 'stuckness' than results from leading through paradox is at the heart of most of my coaching engagements. Get in touch if you need some support.
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